Carly Catastrophe

{December 30, 2007}   I just need an episode

Sometimes, I think I’m crazy. Like clinically insane. I realized last night that the fact that my father is adopted means that I don’t know half of my family medical history. Schizophrenia may run in my family. Maybe I really am crazy. But, I doubt it. Most of the time anyway. There are times I doubt I’m sane. I think, if I could just have a really good episode I’d be alright. And I don’t mean yelling at a few people or anything like that. I mean, throwing things, breaking things, screaming bloody murder, and I have to bleed at some point. But then, someone would probably have me committed. And, I don’t really have time in my life for that right now. So I tell my insanity to shut up and I carry on with my life. But it’s there always in the back of my mind. One day, when I’ve got my life together and a decent job and can take a week or so off to go to an institution, I will have my episode. I just hope that I can do it by choice and not insanity.

et cetera