Carly Catastrophe











{September 10, 2008}   Why can’t I just be OK with being happy?

I have this problem where everytime there is some semblance of happiness in my life, that little chemical imbalance called depression kicks in. And the happier I am, the greater the depression. I sit and dwell on the disastrous what ifs until it drives me mad. I should be happy. I really should. At 20 I’ve found the person who no matter what will go down in my history as the love of my life. And his presence in my life is a reminder of my value and not the proof of it. But with all of that, comes the fear of losing it. And with that fear comes depression. And with depression comes that longing for self destruction. I’ve been doing well though. I mean, I’m in my head in a bad way but I’m not resorting to drugs or anything. I’m sure I’ll get out of it soon, I usually do, but this part bites.

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