Carly Catastrophe

{December 30, 2007}   I just need an episode

Sometimes, I think I’m crazy. Like clinically insane. I realized last night that the fact that my father is adopted means that I don’t know half of my family medical history. Schizophrenia may run in my family. Maybe I really am crazy. But, I doubt it. Most of the time anyway. There are times I doubt I’m sane. I think, if I could just have a really good episode I’d be alright. And I don’t mean yelling at a few people or anything like that. I mean, throwing things, breaking things, screaming bloody murder, and I have to bleed at some point. But then, someone would probably have me committed. And, I don’t really have time in my life for that right now. So I tell my insanity to shut up and I carry on with my life. But it’s there always in the back of my mind. One day, when I’ve got my life together and a decent job and can take a week or so off to go to an institution, I will have my episode. I just hope that I can do it by choice and not insanity.

Momma Shay says:

Girl………..if only everyone was crazy like both you and me! I’ve been saying for years that one day I was just gonna let go and have a good ol’ fashioned fit.

But ya know I’ll be 40 in less than 3 months and I haven’t allowed myself yet.

Really, I do deserve it. Hell I’m entitled to it.

My fear is that it would be the downward spiral that ends up with me sipping my meals thru straws………yet, I could wear pajamas 24/7…..smoke all I’d like……..never go to work…….not even have to clean up after my own damn self…………..

Hell, now I’m revisiting the ABSOLUTELY ROCKIN’ IDEA THIS REALLY IS!

Thanks girl………..once again………..YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!

Love ya!

bekah1976 says:

If they wouldn’t drag my butt right to the looney bin I’d have one too. I’d take my son to a sitter then go home and just let loose.
I think we should all do that every now and again, to help maintain a certain amount of calm in our lives I think we need to just go nuts.
As far as being clinically insane, I think you’re okay….feeling a bit overwhelmed is what my problem is. Feeling walked on, feeling a bit inadequate at times, stressed from work, etc. Letting loose could be so good for me right now.

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