Carly Catastrophe

{December 28, 2007}   It’s for you. All the different people you are

I do it all for you. I want you to see me as beautiful, hot, sexy. I want you to want me. The bright eyeshadows, the eyeliner, I do it because when you look at my face, I want you to see my pretty eyes not my double chin. The jeans and mini skirts that show off my butt and my legs, the tops that show off my breasts, I wear them because I want you to see what’s beautiful not my fat stomach. It’s all done strategically. Draw attention to the good points and you won’t notice the bad ones.

You’re so many different people at the same time. You’re that cute nice guy from work. I want you to fall in love with me.  You’re that boy my roommate brought over last night. I want you to come over again because I’m here.  You’re the guys who hit on me who I’ll never be interested in. I don’t want you, but the attention is flattering. You’re my soulmate who I could meet at any time. I don’t want your first impression of me to be that I’m anything less than beautiful. You’re the girls I feel inferior to. I you to consider me as good as you. You’re the girls I feel superior to. I want to make someone feel inferior. You’re me. I want to see me as beautiful. As sexy. As hot.

Momma Shay says:

Ya know it’s a damn shame that no guy will realize how really hot you are for all of this you know and all this you see until you and he are much much much older.

Even tho’ it sounds like corny b.s. when mom’s say it’s the beauty within that counts……we do mean it and it is true……but unfortunately we aren’t always brave enough to tell our sweet little girls that most guys, hell most people do what makes them feel good about them and don’t really see you for anything more than a means to an end……so I guess we kinda let you down because we didn’t figure it out for ourselves yet……maybe never will…………there is true love, I’ve seen it and even had it…..but it was never like I thought… knight or even really decent looking guy in shining armour or even a running reliable car…….once it was a best friend…..a girl……and then she looked for what she and I didn’t have and got her a boy…..then she had to abandon what she felt for me so she could feel it for him…….shallow bitch……but whatever……I’m still struggling not to feel bitter…..and even tho’ that boy and all she gave up with our friendship landed her in a life that is suffocating her and wound her up with MS like symptoms……doesn’t make me feel better…..makes me feel like shit because I loved her better than I’ve loved a lot of people and she screwed herself out of me for a friend. Ce la vie. And another time (and actually still) was a person I could love a lot, but couldn’t make myself fall in love with…..maybe b/c he’s over 400 lbs. Maybe, and what I like to tell myself is that we grew up together since practically birth. Our mom’s were friends, we went to preschool together…….I love him and he would literally die for me…….but I’m likely the shallow bitch in this one.

Ok…………who’s blog is this anyway.

Love you’re introspectiveness (yeah, it’s a word!?) – you inspire me to think!


Love you!

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